We are studying a book in our Foundations For Living class (SundaySchool) call "Experiencing God." The guy is a Baptist preacher, but myfriend who is teaching it calls him a Bapticostal because he givesexamples in this book of God moving and talks about the Holy Spiritsposition and work in ways I have heard few Pentecostals talk about. Theentire theme of the book is that the most important thing in the worldis your relationship with God through Christ. Nothing else is moreimportant. He also made a statement that I think should cut everyChristian to the core. He said if you are not doing God-sized things inyour church (or life), things that no one would be able to say you didon your own, you have missed God.

That is harsh. But true. IfI can do it on my own, then I don't need God and God is not glorified.If God is not glorified then I am not doing what God wants.

Myteacher (who has also become a very close friend) tells a story of aguy who did not attend church, but was challenged to read the Bible.Through reading the Bible, he came to know Jesus as his Master andSavior and started attending a church. After a few weeks of beingthere, he asked an usher on the way out one day, "Where are all themiracles the Bible talks about?" The usher says, "We believe thosehappened back then, but we just don't see them today" To which the manreplies "I gave up drugs for this!" The God that church was"displaying" did not have the power of the God of the Bible. Oh, I amsure they were serving the Lord, but why was there no power in thatservitude?

I am looking for more of God in my life. I am notsatisfied with where I am now. I want more! I have been fasting lately(a meal at a time) and spending the time with God in prayer and readingof the Bible (in Romans). I want more of God. I want to look into thevery face of Christ. I want to look into His eyes and see myreflection. I want to feel the breath of His nostrils on my face. Iwant to here His sweet soft whisper in my ear. I want to see Him turnHis ear to me to hear my cries.

I'm tired of wearing a mask infront of people. I'm tired of trying to appear like everything is Okwhen inside I am screaming for help and screaming in pain. And frankly,it does not matter if anyone else wants to walk with me. I will walk italone if I have to, but I hope others will walk with me.