Well, here it is, almost 2 am in the morning and I can't sleep. It'snot like I am not tired, I am, but I just can't seem to fall asleep. Ihad a really bad headache today (could never get rid og it no matterwhat I did) and stayed home from work today. Honestly I have had thisheadache since Monday. Nothing seems to make it go away.

I amnot sure why I have nights like this at times. It is not like a sleptall day (though I did doze to try to help the pain in my head). It justhappens some times. I tried watching a movie. Sometimes I will fallasleep while doing that, but it did not work. I debated on watchinganother, but I don't think it would work the second time. If I can'tget some sleep I will have to call off again as I know the headachewill still be there.

Can I be honest (it is after all my blog,so why am I asking you...). Normally I keep real personal things offhere. I know there are a few people that read this once in a while so Itry to keep it real, but not to deep. Tonight is different though. Istarted writing because I can't sleep and, well honestly, I am lonely.

Theholiday's are a real hard time for me. Ever since my divorce they havejust not been the same. We got our first real snow today and myyoungest daughter was so excited. I couldn't get that excited. The snowjust reminds me that I am going to face another holiday season alone.Yeah, I have my parents and I will see my kids (all except my oldestwho I have not been able to see in over a year now, man I miss her),but that is just not the same to me. It still means on Christmasmorning I will wake up to am empty house (excluding my pets) and I willgo to bed in that same empty house on Christmas Eve after dropping myyoungest off back at her mom's.

It's not something I deal withvery well, the loneliness that is. Unless you have been there, youreally can't understand it. I hear others talk about their family timeand what they are planning and I feel left out. I find it hard to evendecorate because other than a couple of weekends and a one other day aweek, it is just for me. It is like cooking. I like to cook but not forjust me. I want to share this with someone, but well, that won't bethis year.

I am not sure I am even going to leave this post up.It is a bit more personal than I like to post, but at least for tonightit is going up.

For those who have family to share this timewith, treat them right! There are many of us that wish we could havethe same thing.

Guess it's after 2 am now. As my alarm will be going off in less than 3 hours I am going to try again. Wish me luck!